Soul Blues & Marlboro Reds -2019

i went and made these paintings after i got clean and sober. spent more than a decade destroying myself. it didn’t work. some of me’s still here. another second chance i guess. came out of the hospital standing and these colors fell from me like light on a sunless street. sometimes i feel like a marionette being pulled around by a spirit and that’s ok because i’ve had far worse feelings and i’ve been pushed around by far worse things... i’m alright with my soul these days or my souls becoming alright with me. i look at the world like a blind screaming newborn. i hear echoes like the language of jailed innocents whispered between low suns and high moons. sometimes you gotta tear it all down and start over, find the unnameable colors to tell your story. so here ya go, a prayer i’m screaming from the edge of a cliff, tossing stones up at desperate stars. we are still here so we are all survivors. stubborn worried adrift. The smoke of great fires. i can’t say what i mean but i can feel it, just like when i was young, just like when i was broke and desperate. now maybe the world’s gone meaningless but everything still matters somehow, even it doesn’t, even if in the end there’s just a big nothing shadow hanging across the beautiful broken horizons that we once called the future. nothings ok and it’s always been that way. don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. plz believe in something. take care of yourself. hang on to each other. some people are life rafts. it’s coming down hard now, the earth, these endless roman times, a slow wreck.... but love still howls, a fearless train in dark tunnels. find the sun at night. light over everything.

xo jordan sullivan